Stop Moments are Starting

Entering  term three with Lyn(n) Fels as the latest addition to our faculty mentors, I silently wonder if she has been warned  about us and how we behave in class.   She's already made us rearrange the furniture so they are not in a tidy square.  I may have issues with this and my need for order, but let it go, Mary-Ann, let it go. I did not run screaming from the room, so I may be able to work through this.  One aspect of evaluation this term is a postcard representation of 'stop' moments, or what Miriam-Webster defines as the  "aha moment" made famous by Oprah.  Seriously, this woman has her own word in the dictionary, but I digress.   As we do our readings, or talk in class, we may have one of these 'stop/aha/I just got it" moments and we are to find a photo to match, write a letter to the class, and voila, we have a postcard.  Send it off to everyone and enjoy the snippets that others in the class have found post card worthy and have forwarded to us for our enjoyment.

So this week I did two.  Not because I am a keener, but because I am indecisive and was slightly bored this week.   I suppose I could have taken the time to cook or clean, but as you may have observed in my previous entry,  cooking is not mentioned anywhere in my procrastination techniques, and cleaning is reserved for when I have something more urgent to do.

So, here is my first attempt:

"Awareness throws us into an open lit space"
Myers "Teaching Practices of Living Inquiry" pg 6
Photo: Sunrise in Masset BC February 2014, taken by MA McKinnon

Hi Everyone:

I love those stop moments when I see, hear or read something that reconnects me to a purpose. “Awareness throws us into an open lit space”,   spoke to me personally as I continue to struggle with what I am doing in this program at this stage in my life.  Shouldn’t I be winding down?  Travelling more? Saving for retirement instead of going back to school?  Where is this going?  Staring out at a horizon of the unknown, I have moments of clarity where everything makes sense, as I escape these ‘prejudiced eyes’ of others Myers speaks of. These moments of  awareness I feel bring me the knowledge that I am doing the right thing at the right time, as I seek to live an authentic life.  There is light ahead, I’m just not sure what it is illuminating. 

Cheers, see you soon, 

Mary-Ann

As I continued going through the readings again, I found myself thinking of the the girls who were kidnapped in Nigeria.  Feeling the weight of that, I decided to do a second postcard in honour of those girls.  This is the result:

"Education can be an endeavour of individual and communal authorship,
 restoration, renewal and opportunity"
from Imagining Education: An Arendtian Response to an Inmate’s Question

(Meyer and Fels 2013 pg 16)   

Hi Everyone:

As I’ve been re-reading last weeks articles, the Nigerian girls who have been kidnapped by Boko Haram keep coming into my head.  This story has affected me, as do all stories of women who fight for a  place in their world, as one that does not seem to belong in this century.  These girls and their families can see the power of education, that it “can be an endeavour of individual and communal authorship, restoration, renewal and opportunity” and to have them targeted for that ambition is heartbreaking.  To then learn they are being turned into sex slaves is more than my mind can fathom.  The actions of the Boko Haram are the antithesis of the hope and power this quote brings to mind.  When the female dental hygiene students complain about school I remind them how lucky they are to be afforded this right without repercussions, but the blank looks I get tell me they don’t fully understand their fortunate positions and this frustrates me.  The fact that these young Nigerian women have paid the price for recognizing the power of education should not be lost as the world looks on with hope that they are found and returned to their families.  
Mary-Ann

Lynn sent me a message commenting on these two postcards which inspired me to post both of them. In my first observation I am questioning my time in this program, uncertain if it is the right thing for me.  As Lynn observed in her e-mail to me, "perhaps you need to give the journey time before you step into the light, and realize that it is your voice, your presence, that is being illuminated…as illustrated by your second postcard, about what matters….perhaps yours is to be a voice of advocacy, of moving into action informed by your current journey…"

These words have provided my third 'stop' moment this week - I will spare you the photo to match - that it is okay to not know why I am here.  Just being present (shout out to Paula's postcard, and I'll link it to your page if you post it to your blog) is what matters.  Not worrying about the future or harping on the past allows us to focus on the now, on what is important, and what may provide inspiration for the future.   

References
Myer K,  Fels L. Imagining Education: An Arendtian Response to an Inmates's Question
Canadian Journal of Education 36:3 pg 1-19

Myer K. Teaching Practices of Living Inquiry citation unavailable at present. pg 6 of document

Associated Press 'They started shouting, "Allahu Akbar" and we knew': Nigerian girl describes kidnap, 276 still missing The Sydney Morning Herald May 7 2014 found at: 
 http://www.smh.com.au/world/they-started-shouting-allahu-akbar-and-we-knew-nigerian-girl-describes-kidnap-276-still-missing-20140507-zr5x9.html#ixzz31BHz3wjb   

Procrastinating

These are my Top Ten techniques I have employed to avoid writing this terms  paper.  These are not things I would otherwise do, so I have not included anything around exercise, eating, shopping etc.

10) Laundry Yes, this is something I typically do, though usually on a  need to do basis.  When procrastinating it takes on a whole new urgency, however, and I must suddenly wash and iron everything.
9) Clean the fridge A significant undertaking, given that the crisper required gloves and mask to clean.
8) Stare into space.  I think this might be my favourite pastime.
7) Wash the floors.  A hefty undertaking and dominoes into  moving furniture, dusting, cleaning out  drawers...you see where this can chew up a day previously committed to paper writing.
6) Comb the cat.  Even went out and purchased the Furminator, so that when I brush the cat I actually get enough fur to build two more cats.
5) Phone a friend. Usually someone I have not spoken to for over a year.  Paper writing has done wonders for reconnecting with old friends.
4) Write a list of how I procrastinate.  This is a desperate attempt to avoid writing in the 11th hour.
3) Watch The Office reruns. Seriously, how did I not watch this show when it was on the first time?  Clearly I was not at school during its first run.
2) Fret about why I am not working on  my paper.
1) Play computer games. Solitaire. Words with Friends.  Pepper Panic.  Name your poison, if it's a game that makes noise or can chew up an hour without a blink, I'm playing it.


Well.  On that note, perhaps I will go do some more editing and get this thing handed in.

Narrative Voices - A Call to Action

Narrative voices  are a varied group; from photos, novels, plays and dances, they are all created to give the author an opportunity to create a relationship with its audience.   For me these days, when I need a quick pick me up, I will often find myself perusing Ted Talks looking to be inspired, moved -  or even just entertained.   Today, at the recommendation of a friend, I watched Maysoon Zayid's   Ted Talk and was not disappointed.  In this presentation she woke me up to something I had not given a lot of thought to before, and she did this by making me listen.  How did she do that?

In Prinsloo et al's chapter "Mining the Depths: Performing Stories of Homes and Homelessness" in  Creative Arts and Interdisciplinary Practice, the authors discuss deep listening as the way to really hear a persons story.   Downloading and factual listening are the most common levels of listening, as we often fall into a pattern of a) not really listening, being too busy developing our response (downloading) or b) we open ourselves up to the information coming to us, to compare it to what we already believe (factual).   But to have a deeper more meaningful exchanges we must move to empathetic and generative listening.  Zayid takes us through all these levels effectively, to the point that I found myself tearing up at the end, (okay, for those that know me, tears for me are  pretty much a given)  but that aside, it seems fairly easy to get people to listen in the first two ways, but how do we develop empathetic and generative listening?

Zayid's presentation evoked these final two stages of listening from me by using her own experiences in a comedic way.  By using comedy she relaxes the audience, creating reception.  She elicits not sympathy, but empathy by being not just someone with cerebral palsy, but with a selection of 'disadvantages' creating connection with a wider audience.  Visually she stirs her audience as well.  Immediately calling attention to her jerking motions she bonds with the audience - you almost feel like a friend she's sharing with.   She uses this connection to then generate a new thought process.  Her cry for increased representation of disabled actors to get the roles depicting their disability  is heard.  I want to see a paraplegic taking the roles given to actors.  Why did Tom Cruise represent Ron Kovic in Fourth of July, or more currently why is Kevin McHale playing paraplegic Artie Abrams in Glee?  I find myself wondering if these role really went to the best actors, or just to the most convenient one.  If I had not watched her talk today I would not given a second thought to whether or not there are qualified handicapped actors out there.

Similar to her call to action is the premise of Prinsloo's chapter about  training homeless people to present their version of the  play The Lower Depths by Maxim Gorky.  Until now I didn't know this play, but a quick search provides a brief synopsis  explaining that the characters are the 'derelicts of society'.  Using homeless people to present these characters offers the validity that Zayid is suggesting, but more than that, it provides the people an opportunity to tell their story, as only they can.

Finding flow in writing

In this weeks class we had an exercise in narrative writing. It wasn't the first one we've done, and it won't be the last, but in this one, the proverbial lightbulb went on.  The assignment, as I took it,  was to go for  a walk in your head and write about the experience.  The difficulty for me was that my brain, for some reason, wanted to stay in the classroom.   In retrospect I find this quite startling, as I often catch myself daydreaming in classrooms, especially ones with big windows. But at this moment, when I am 'supposed' to, I can't.   Instead, I am distracted by someone chewing something crunchy.   I hear people standing up and walking.  I am aware of the person beside me writing with apparent ease.   I try to put words to paper but it's too difficult.  I am too conscious of the period.  The coma.  Oops... that should be capitalized. Correcting the grammar.  Paying attention to all these details I lose track of  what I am trying to say.  The space between my thought and the paper is too big.  I sit back, take a deep breath,  and  try to silence myself into feeling the words, rather than thinking about them.  I try to let go of caring about the grammatical correctness of what I want to say.  I just write.  Slowly the room disappears behind me and my brain starts to relax, releasing my words.

In this exercise I had a lot of difficulty at first, but with a little 'less effort', I was able to write something.   I have taken this exercise and applied it to  writing my term paper.  I don't worry too much about what I am saying, or how I am saying it.  I just write and worry about editing it later.  This  has allowed me a certain level of freedom, to not worry about the flow of the paper.  I am reminded of Mihaly Csikszentmihalj's  concept of flow, and the chart showing flow adjacent to anxiety and worry.  It is this  anxiety and worry that keep me from relaxing and letting the words come.  I am learning, though, to let those feelings go when I write.

I have to ask myself, where did this stress around writing come from?  Is this a hangover of my education?  Too many papers back riddled with red ink?  Why is writing stressful for me?
Although I don't know the answers to these questions, I do know that the narrative exercises have been a positive step in the direction of breaking that stress.

Meditation XVII

Narrative Medicine, Honoring the Stories of Illness by Rita Charon is written from the perspective of a physician and her relationship with ailing patients.  It is a mistake, however, to believe that these relationships cannot be viewed from a larger perspective,  allowing anyone to view relationships differently.   For instance, her references to John Donne's Devotion's upon Emergent Occasions takes me back to Lit 12 and the impact Meditation XVII had on me then.  At that time, all I got was the basic "we're all in this together" theme, as I focussed only on the edited version  of it.  As one untouched by death, and oblivious of social class, I  went no further than a youthful naivety 'of course we're all equal' without feeling the enormity of what Donne was saying.  Over the years the words of  No Man is an Island have had different meanings to me, depending on anything from a personal loss to global loss, the sight of a homeless person, to my own feeling of being disregarded by someone who seemed to have a sense of superiority over me.

Donne's words are timeless, and where Charon feels a relationships with Henry James, I feel a similar relationship with mankind through Donne's words.   Even though these words were written 400 years ago,  I can feel this connection to not just him, but with those he was writing it for at that time.  I can feel his sense of mortality, knowing that his own death was inevitable, but finding comfort in his belief that his life, just by being, had impact.  I find comfort not just in knowing that he felt that, but more so that he knew that his life was no more or less important than anyone else's.   That these words have survived mean that they resonate with others, creating a bond throughout the centuries, over the continents, connecting social hierarchies, religions and faiths.   It is about survival.  Not only are we are all in this together, but we cannot survive alone, either individually or socially.

I feel this ethical commitment to Donne that Charon speaks of, to honour his words.  While I have never thought of it that way, it seems that I innately know this.  As Charon brings to my attention the relationship between the writer and the reader,  I am reminded once again that we must be careful of what we let in our lives.  It is not enough to be aware of the company we keep, we must also be aware of what we watch on television, what magazines we read, what books we read.   As Charon says, "Some stories' ethical visions might be dangerous ones, shaping readers into instruments of sadism or destruction" (p57) I am reminded once again that we need to be cognizant of what we let in our space, our mind, but most importantly, our hearts.

It has been a long time since I sat and read this meditation,  and today I got a little something more from it.  I don't know if it would be in agreement with literary scholars, but through Charon I realize that maybe that doesn't matter.  It is between me and Donne.

My Relationship with Curriculum is Blooming

Looking through the jewellers loupe, what is my relationship with curriculum?  This question was posed as my narrative assignment this week and I have spent the better part of the week examining what that means.   I never really thought of myself being in a relationship with curriculum, it’s just something I follow.   I’ve never really thought about it at all in fact.   I just did what I was told to do without questioning it very much, though at times I was frustrated.  When I first started teaching I was told that one of the main roles in being an effective clinical instructor  was the ability to develop critical thought. But I didn’t really understand what that meant.  "Well, how do I do that?" I asked.   "Just ask questions." I was told.   "What kind of questions?".  "Questions that lead the student to the answers".  No wonder I was frustrated,   I didn't  know what it was I was supposed to be doing.   I suppose you could say I was in an unhealthy relationship with the Problem Based Curriculum format that UBC dentistry prescribes to.

Using the magnifying lens format suggested by my prof, I switched the jewellers loupe for my camera lens. Armed with the realization that I am, in fact, in a relationship with curriculum, I set out to get to know this partner of mine better.   Starting with a wide lens, I scan the camera across the PBL landscape taking a broad view of its various components.  This scan sees the  small groups of students, tutor led problems, student focus, responsibility for self learning and the problem solving aspects of PBL.  All these components work together with the intention to create critical thinking, curious professionals.   But to me, it is a blur of information without focus.  I  am zooming in on each of these areas briefly, contemplating its relevance to my role as clinical instructor until creating critical thought catches my eye. I zoom in and fix on it.  This appeals to me as the only aspect of PBL that is relevant to me. 

I am aware that PBL has been touted as the great way to develop critical thinking learners ensuring a new generation of life long learners.  To be honest, though, I never really understood what this meant. Perhaps this is a function of being raised in an educational environment of listen, memorize, regurgitate, move on. Do not question what you are taught.   It didn't matter if I didn't understand it, it would come later. So when my camera lens captured developing critical thought I realized immediately that I needed to get out the macro lens and delve into this.  

A quick library research of critical thought in PBL leads me to the  article "Socrates, problem based learning and critical thinking - a philosophical point of view."  Seriously?  Socrates?  Cool.   I know nothing about this timeless philosopher but am eager to learn how he ties into my world over two thousand years after he's gone.  In this article I learned two very important pieces of information. First, Socrates mother was a midwife.  Now, this may not seem important other than squirrelling that tidbit away for some future game of Trivial Pursuit, but in his case it influenced his perception of knowledge as exampled in the development of his  teacher as midwife metaphor .  To summarize, he equates the development of a thought as the mind going through a painful labour, and that the role of the tutor  in the birth of the thought is to ask questions to aid in the birth of the thought.  These questions are synonymous with a midwives ability to assist the birth of a child.  A good midwife can make a difficult labour easier through good pain control, just as a good teacher, by asking the right questions, can help a student give birth to the thought they are developing.    

The second, and equally important lesson I learned, was that education as I experienced it as a young student, has taken a 180 degree turn.  Teachers, or tutors as they are referred to in PBL, do not dictate information as gospel anymore.  The role of a good tutor is to adopt the Socratic philosophy that the goal is not to teach information, but to make a learner think and  that,  to quote Socrates "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing".   But how does one do this?  How does a tutor make a learner think?

Focussing my lens on this philosophy of developing a thinking mind, my curiosity is piqued.  As clinical instructors we are encouraged to do this, though as someone with a clinical background it is not a skill that comes easily or naturally.  Curious to know if there are any guidelines available to aid in the development of this skill, I find the article "Critical Thinking: The  Art of Socratic Questioning".  This article outlines 8 categories of 'socratic questioning techniques' to encourage critical thinking in learners.  Referring to knowledge as 'thought', the assumption is that one cannot have a thought without the ability to adequately respond to queries posted by the tutor.  This series of questions are meant to determine the level of knowledge the learner has, while assisting them in developing their thought. These 8 categories assume that thoughts (or answers, ideas, beliefs etc) do not come out of thin air but have a background to them.  

The first question one might ask could be ‘“What is the Purpose or Goal of your thought”  If I look at this from a PBL perspective, I would ask “What is PBL trying to achieve as a curriculum approach?”   To this I might answer  “to create engaged and curious learners”  which would naturally lead to other questions to flesh out a deeper  understanding of the thought.  This next  question might ask the learner to demonstrate that they understand that there are other alternatives that have been explored or used.  An example of this might be “Why is PBL the best approach to achieve this goal?” to which  I  might compare it to the weaknesses of the ‘traditional’ teacher/student dynamic. The questions continue, attempting to aid the student breaking the question down so that they are able to fully own the thought.  Using the remaining 6 categories of questions I will show how I applied the critical thought process to myself in my effort to become more familiar with PBL.  Many of these questions I do not have the answers to, demonstrating that my relationship with PBL is still in its infancy stage. 

3) Information, data and experience.  Questions around this ask the learner what information they have to support the thought or idea they have.  “Why was the traditional method not working?” “Why did educators entertain PBL”  In some of my readings I noted that McMaster University Medical school was the first medical school to use PBL back in the 60’s, so I would be interested to learn why was this switch was made and if it has met with good success. 

 4) Inferences and conclusions:  In order to fully understand something, one should be able to make inferences from it.   “How can we conclude that PBL has been working?”  “What evidence is there that it is effective?” 

5)Concepts and Ideas "One must understand the concepts of the thought or problem in order to  understand the answer. 

“How does Socratic Philosophy work into this?”  What does the Teacher as Midwife metaphor mean?”

6) Assumptions:  All thoughts require assumptions.  It does not come out of thin air.  “Can we assume that students will be active participants in this?”

7) Implications and consequences: If one is to fully understand something, they should understand the consequences of it.  “What if it doesn’t work for some students?”  “How can we make this approach applicable in other fields besides medicine and dentistry and other sciences?”  “Does this work in say, English Literature?”

8) Viewpoints and perspectives:

This assumes that all thought takes place in a framework or viewpoint.

“While this may look nice on paper, can it work realistically?"

These are just some of the questions that have been raised for me as I review the two articles to date in a bid to understand my relationship with curriculum better.  Clearly there are many questions that I have not yet asked, and answers that I have given are still skeletal and weak.  What I have realized in this process, however, is that in taking my lens and looking at curriculum I have turned myself into both a teacher and a student.  My relationship with curriculum is still new, but at least I now know that I have one with it.

References

Paul, R., Elder, Linda “Critical Thinking:The Art of Socratic Questioning” Journal of Development Education 2007 31:1 pg 36-37

Wang SY, Tsai JC, Chiang HC, Lai CS, Lin HJ., “Socrates, problem-based learning and critical thinking --- a philosophic point of view” Kaohsiung J Med Sci. 2008 Mar;24(3 Suppl):S6-13.

Wintonyk, T “Problem Based Learning - Classical Antiquity comes of Age” UBC Dentistry Impressions  Fall 2010 pg 10-14  http://www.dentistry.ubc.ca/features/problem_based_learning.asp

Can a Professional be Human?

Cecilia, or CC as she liked to be called, (not her real name) was a fourth year dental hygiene student who had been struggling throughout the 4 year program. Her clinical skills were weak, her academic performance borderline, and her tendency to ride the coat tails of others left her stranded on team projects. At the end of fourth year she was advised she would not graduate and would need to meet additional clinical and academic requirements to achieve matriculation. Her reaction to the news vacillated from shocked silence to uncontrollable sobbing. She voiced clearly that she did not feel that she had the strength to continue - that she had been completely drained of all emotional, intellectual and personal resources and did not see how she could pull herself out of these depths to continue on.

As one of the clinical instructors assigned to CC, I was nervous about how I should approach her in this fragile state. I took this role seriously, realizing that documentation would need to be thorough and precise to support any pass or fail recommendations that I made. I also realized that CC would need emotional support and guidance as she mustered up the strength to continue. My role, as I saw it, was not just to assist her in refining her clinical knowledge, but to buoy her confidence - to help her not only ignore the internal dialogue that was telling her she was a failure, thereby preventing her success, but to replace those negative words with positive ones. I put a great amount of thought into how I could best handle this situation, and am reminded of last terms blog entry on vitality and where vitality comes from - often from those around us. CC was lacking vitality in clinic. She admitted to losing her energy, and I felt she needed outside positive reinforcement. My intention was for her to feel safe with me, to feel encouragement from me, believing that she would flourish if she was comfortable under my eyes.

It was with this in mind that, after one fairly successful day in clinic, I congratulated her effusively, patting her on the back giving her the biggest smile I could and exclaimed "You ROCKED it today!" The look of happiness on her face told me it was the right thing to do for her. She needed to hear those words. Sure she still wasn't ready to graduate, but she had improved immensely and I felt she needed some positive encouragement.

                                                   

As just a part of the team working with CC, I failed to recognize that she would take these words and share them with other members of the faculty. These words contradicted what she had been hearing from others and she wanted those who were in the position to grant her success that she was 'rocking it' in clinic. What I had failed to realize, that in my bid to increase her confidence, I had given her ammunition to use to her advantage. This was brought to my attention by the clinical department head, suggesting to me that a more appropriate phrase would have been "You have demonstrated that you can satisfactorily meet the

requirements as they have been outlined in the course curriculum". I almost fall asleep typing those words. They lack life. They are benign. But they are considered 'professional', leading me to question my identity as a clinical instructor.

There are obvious 'rules' of professional conduct that any clinical instructor needs to follow. No gum chewing, no inappropriate touching or sexual innuendo, treat the student and the patient with respect - no yelling, condescending tone or otherwise rudeness directed to the student or patient. There are strict curriculum, or rubrics, that students

need to meet, and one of these is professionalism, but in searching the UBC dental site, there are no clear definitions of professionalism for the instructor in terms of verbal communication. We are to model professionalism, but what does this mean? It is outlined simplistically as presenting a clean image, and to be considerate and courteous at all

times. But what about the positive affirming things we say to students. Those moments when we let our guard down and show the student that we are human can have an immense impact on them, and us, as we are rewarded with the appreciation on their face.

In researching the definition of professionalism outside of the criteria established by the UBC dental site, I stumbled upon the book Professionalism is for Everyone by The Goals Institute. It is a pretty elementary 'how to' book, though one paragraph that seemed to sum it up for me said that "Professionals approach all individuals, situations, and circumstances with a built in guidance system of ethics, sound judgement, fairness, equity, reasonableness, practicality, common sense and good taste" pg18 Basically, it sounds like a 'do unto others' philosophy. This still does not answer my question of how to be human with a student, or client, for that matter, while maintaining a 'professional' demeanor. I continued my search by referring back to last weeks assigned readings.

Latta and Kim's article refers to the philosophy that "we invest in cultivating lived understanding of curricular practices as concomitantly situated, thoughtful, and intentional." (pg680) and that this effort to bring curriculum to life can only be done through the conduit of the teacher. How the teacher achieves this may not always be in accordance with the administrator, as I found with my 'you rocked it' comment, though if it serves the student in a beneficial way, is it completely wrong? As I continue to hone my professional identity, Latta and Kim's article provides a beneficial insight into this 'situatedness', 'thoughtfullness' and' intentionality’. By looking at the situation

independently and using a thoughtful approach to the specifics of CC’s situation I had the intention to encourage a teacher/student/knowledge connection by encouraging her to go forward through congratulating on her current performance. My goal was to inspire confidence and

learning in CC as an individual, specific to this situation.

Do I pat all students on the back and exclaim “You Rocked It”?  Of course not. Not only would it would lose its effectiveness, but I would look like an idiot. The decision to apply this approach to this situation was based on an intuitive desire to help this particular student who was

feeling beaten up and deflated. Reading this article I feel confirmed in my actions. The freedom to approach education as dynamic and complex is something all teachers should feel comfortable doing, using their professional judgement in teaching situations.

Writing this narrative and reflecting on the three concepts mentioned above, I feel better about my words to CC. I do not tell every student they 'rocked it', though I felt that this situation called for it. So did I break the professional code in my words to CC? I'm still not certain. Do I want to be the type of professional who uses phrases as directed? Resounding NO. So what is my professional identity? It is dynamic, but it is always full of thought with the intention to nurture the love of learning, or to build confidence, or whatever else is needed for the particular situation I find myself in at that moment.